Letter to a Friend

I recently reread a letter that I sent to a remarkable friend several months ago.  My message was a response to a condolence email that my friend had sent me immediately after Jacob's passing.  I decided to copy a portion of that message here because it gave voice to so much of how I feel about my son…

…However, the thing that touched me the most was your email below.  I haven’t had the emotional strength to respond to most of the messages that Jennifer and I have received this past week.  We are very grateful for all of the kind and supportive things that people have said and we have received much strength from their words.  However, your message below contained a few short words for which I was unspeakably grateful and I wanted to express that gratitude to you.  Although I am grateful to you and your family for many, many things, it is your email below that prompted me to write you at this time.  I simply had to thank you for your message.

As you know, my beautiful son had Trisomy 21 (Down’s Syndrome).  Because of Jacob’s genetic condition, many people mistakenly believed that we loved our son but were somehow disappointed by his “limitations”.  The truth of the matter is that both Jennifer and I find our son to be the most remarkable individual we have ever met or ever hope to meet.  Jacob was, and is, my hero and the example to me of everything I hope to be someday.  He loved unconditionally, forgave instantly, found joy in the smallest of blessings, found self-worth in small accomplishments, and never forgot to turn to G-d (he would remind us on frequent occasion of our need to pray).  He carried a light within him that brightened the day of everyone that was privileged to come in contact with him.  He created love and joy where there was none.  He uplifted, and brightened, and taught.  I was so very, very, very proud of him.

Although we received many messages of consolation and love when we lost our Jacob, most of the messages seemed to focus on what we had allegedly done for Jacob.  At best, they acknowledged our intense love for our son.  When I received your message below, I openly wept, however.  It meant so much to me to have someone acknowledge the fact that I was not only filled with “loving”, but “proud” memories of my son.  It meant a great deal to me to have someone acknowledge that Jacob was (and is) an “exceptional little boy”, a “wonderful source of joy and love”, and that “he enriched the lives of each member of [our] family immeasurably”. 

I am so very proud of my son.  I am eternally grateful for him and the few short years that I had to bask in his light.  I am also grateful for the blessing of remarkably considerate individuals such as you, [your wife] and [your son] who have helped to ease our sorrow, if only by degrees.

Thank you for your messages.  Please express my gratitude to [your wife] and [your son] for their messages as well.  Most of all, thank you for being insightful or receptive enough to include the particular words that you chose in your email below.  I will never be able to properly express how much they meant to me.

With much appreciation,
-James