Mother's Memories (Given at Jacob's Funeral on Dec. 19, 2013)

As you all know, I take my responsibilities as a mother very seriously. My family is my life and my children are my world. If there is something that my child needs, I like to be the one to fill that need. So today, my sweet baby needs thoughts to be shared at his funeral. I feel like this is the last thing that I can do for my son in this life and so I have asked the Lord to help me with this, as my grief is overwhelming. I pray that the Spirit will be with me so that I may calmly share my thoughts and feelings.

As you have taken time today to come celebrate the life of our treasured son, and because it is Christmas, I wish to give you a gift. It is a sacred gift to me and the most precious that I have to offer. I wish to tell you more about Jacob in hopes that your life may be edified as mine has been.

I wish to entitle my thoughts today, “Everything Important I Ever Learned, I Learned from Jacob.” In sharing these thoughts, I will share personal stories of my sweet son and hope that treasured memories of mine will bring joy to your heart as well.

The first lesson that I learned from my Cub was to love unconditionally and to create love where there isn’t any . Most everyone who knows Jacob has been the recipient of many hugs and kisses. Every time our doorbell would ring, our visitor would be welcomed to our home with a hug from Jacob. Visitors were often people that Jacob did not know personally. Some were his siblings’ friends, some were friends from church and others were working for UPS, simply delivering mail to our home. It didn’t matter that Jacob didn’t know the UPS man; the UPS man was given a tender embrace before he was sent on his way after delivering a package.

This past Halloween, I watched my little boy as he offered every student who passed by in the Halloween parade a high five. It didn’t matter to him that sometimes the student did not want to participate in the high five. It mattered to him that he had offered it.

I learned from Jacob that I must show my love at every opportunity . Jacob did not take his love for his family members for granted. Every time I walked through the garage door into the house, Jacob ran to me and threw his arms around my legs yelling “mom!” Sometimes, I had only walked out to empty the garbage or get the mail. But Jacob saw that two minute separation, followed by reunion, as something to be celebrated and appreciated.

Whenever Jacob saw James and I hugging, he would run over and throw his arms up to us. James and I would reach down and grab his arms and lift him up to us so that we could all share in a group hug. He just couldn’t stand seeing other people give love and he not be a part of it.

When I would put Jacob and Michael out the door in the morning to get on the bus, Cubby would turn around; pucker his lips and point at them. He wouldn’t leave for the bus until I had kissed his little lips.

Because of Jacob’s ability to offer unconditional love, he was a master at comforting those that stand in need to comfort . If Jacob saw someone who was sad, he would quickly try to make them feel better. He would start with a hug, then a kiss. He would rub their face with his little hand, and look deep into their eyes and ask “you ok?” Sometimes if he encountered someone who was crying, his empathy would get the best of him and he would begin to cry too…not having any idea why he was crying.

I learned the importance of forgiving quickly from Jacob. Jacob was absolutely unable to hold a grudge against anyone or stay angry at someone. I remember a day, several months ago, where Michael became upset that Jacob’s iPad was charged and his was not. As jealousy raged, Jacob was hit by the iPad and now needed many stitches in his eyebrow. Little Jacob was hurt and began to scold Michael for injuring him. I told Michael he needed to apologize to Jacob. Michael weakly gave the sign for “sorry” and started to cry. Jacob immediately forgot his injury and started to hug and kiss Michael and tell him that it was alright.

Jacob was a master at serving others. Every night when James would walk through the door after work, Jacob would first throw his arms around his legs and yell “Baba.” He would then pick up James’ slippers and bring them to James and place them right in front of his feet. If James walked away from the slippers without putting them on, Jacob would pick the slippers back up and place them, again, right in front of where James was standing. This would continue until James had put on the slippers.

For the past few months we have been teaching Jacob and Michael to shower themselves. I would sit at the side of the shower and give physical and verbal prompts as they learned to clean themselves. Jacob had become a master at cleaning himself. He would lather the soap on his buff puff and scrub like crazy, including all over his little face, which would then be covered in bubbles. Michael does not appreciate bath time nearly as much as Jacob and would hide in the back of the tub. Each night, Jacob would decide that he needed to help Michael and after he scrubbed himself would turn to Michael and start scrubbing him head to toe. He would then take his head and tilt it back to rinse the shampoo out. It truly reminded me of the Savior washing the disciple’s feet.

Another lesson that I learned from my son is to appreciate the small things in life and not take them for granted. Jacob loved to be warm. When it was time for his bath every night, Jacob would put his hand under the water and say “WWWAAAAARRRMMMM.” He would then put his little body under the water and repeat “WWWWAAAARRRMMMM.” He loved when I put his winter coat over the heating vent in the morning before he got on the bus. When I placed the coat on him, he would again smile huge and say, “WWWWAAARRRRMM.”

Jacob loved school and loved his bus ride to school. Each morning I would go into their room and wake Jacob and Michael up. The first word out of Cubby’s mouth was, “bus?” I would tell him them that yes, the bus was coming. Michael, who does NOT like mornings, would yell from under the covers of his bed, “NO bus!” To which Cub would respond, “Yes, bus.” This debate would go on for several minutes until Michael had come to grips with the fact that he would indeed have to get out of bed.

We were always in trouble if there was snow out on the way to the bus. Jacob was not able to walk out to the bus without stopping to appreciate the fluffy white stuff. I would have to follow him out and help him to put down the snow, lift him out of the drifts that came up to his knees and carry him to the bus so that he didn’t get “re-sidetracked.”

A lesson that I was still learning from Jacob, is to be pleased with my accomplishments, no matter how small. For three years, our family has rarely had a dinner where Jacob did not pat his daddy’s arm and say, “Baba, Baba” until he got James’ attention. He would then go around the table getting everyone’s individual attention. When he had made the rounds and called each of us by name, we would all respond, “We’re all watching Cub.” He would then take a hugely exaggerated bite of food and smile. He was so proud of himself for eating and he wanted us to be proud of him as well. And we were. It was also a rare meal where Jacob did not hop up to show us his middle splits or throw both legs back and tuck his feet behind his head. We called it “Pretzel Cub.” He was so proud and we were so impressed.

Jacob loved my harp and would come running whenever I was playing. He would sit on my lap and his little arm would be extended as far as it could go and he could barely reach a few strings. He would sit there plucking the strings for a very long time. In his mind, he was playing a symphony and he was so proud.

I learned the value of laughter from Cub. He had a glorious sense of humor and loved to make people laugh. The more we laughed, the more he smiled and hammed it up. He recently learned to be a “shoulder angel” for the kids. Having watched Studio C’s shoulder’s angel skits, Jacob decided that he was to be a shoulder angel. He and his siblings have spent many hours during the past several months performing shoulder angel skits for us.

Jacob would do spontaneous things that were hilarious. Sometimes we were not sure if he had meant to do them or not. For instance, we took Jacob to Chick-fil-a recently. I opened his chocolate milk and stuck his straw in the top. For some reason, Jacob picked up the bottle of chocolate milk and dumped the entire thing over his head. He looked as surprised as we did! On our next visit there, a young man who works at Chick-fil-a came to our table to bring us our food. He started to smile and said, “Wait a minute, is this the kid who poured chocolate milk all over his head? That was AWESOME!”

Jacob knew that we found him adorable and discovered things that he could do that made us happy and that would get him out of trouble. His latest trick was to say “yeeessss” (in a quiet, drawn-out voice). So we would start asking him questions like, “Are you cute? Are you adorable? Do you love your mommy?” To which he would respond “yeeessss.” Then we would start throwing random questions out like, “Are you naughty? Are you going to be a nuclear physicist? Do you speak fluent French?” To which he would also respond “yeeessss” and when we started to laugh, he would say, “You’re funny!”

Jacob has taught me the importance of loving unconditionally, showing love at every opportunity, comforting those that stand in need of comfort, forgiving quickly, appreciating small things, celebrating my accomplishments, and living life with a smile and a laugh. Jacob also reminded us of the importance of remaining constantly in touch with our Heavenly Father. Jacob was completely faithful in remembering to say his prayers. At each dinner, he would remind us to say the prayer before we had even all taken our seats. He always wanted to be the one to say the prayer and would become upset if someone else said it. So we often had two or three dinner prayers.

As any mom could, I could go on for days with fun stories of my baby. Most people look at Jacob and say that he was limited in what he was able to accomplish and achieve in this life. They think that his Trisomy 21, or Down syndrome, is somehow a deficiency. However, I know differently. Jacob wasn’t deficient in anyway, he wasn’t MISSING anything…his extra chromosome, was an ADDITION. Jacob didn’t need to bother himself with the things of this world that don’t matter. He knew more about charity and about the things that truly matter, the things of God, than most people will ever know. I believe that most of that came with his extra chromosome.

As we have talked as a family over the past three days about Jacob and memories that we have of him, it has become gravely obvious to us that the light is gone in our home. Right now, we have no idea how to rekindle that light. Our hearts are beyond broken and we are in complete anguish. All we know to do is rely on our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

I will never be able to adequately express my gratitude that I was blessed to be Jacob’s mother. It is a blessing that I feel unworthy of. We have been told by many that we have blessed Jacob’s life but I stand here today to tell you that it was he who blessed ours.

James and I had an experience this past Sunday that will be forever etched in our hearts. Recent imaging and exams had shown that Jacob’s stroke had continued to grow, was entering the brainstem, and that death was eminent. We had called our dear friends and asked them to bring our children to the hospital so that they could say goodbye to their brother. The pain was beyond crushing. It was at that time that two Elders came to Jacob’s room in the ICU and offered us the Sacrament. There, at side of my son’s death bed, I listened to the Sacrament prayers and took the bread and water. I was overcome with a knowledge that my Heavenly Father was aware of my suffering and understood completely. I knew that He too had had to send His perfect Son away and be without Him for a time.

As we send our perfect Jacob off to continue his eternal mission, we are so grateful for the reason that we celebrate Christmas. Because Christ was born, I have hope. Because of His Atonement, I know that I can repent and prove worthy to return to His presence. Because of His Atonement, I can pray that I will feel the comforting peace that comes when we are able to turn over our sorrow and pain to the Lord. Because of His Atonement, I know that one day I will hold the precious and perfect resurrected body of my son. Because of His example, I am blessed with a knowledge of how to love.

As James and I held our little Jacob as he passed, I sang to him. I sang his favorite song, the one that he always asked for at night, “I Am a Child of God.” However, as I sang to my small son, realizing that he would soon be my own little angel, I changed the chorus to reflect the pleading desire of my heart.

Cubby, please...

“Lead me, guide me, walk beside me,
Help me find my way.
Teach me all that I must do
To live with you someday.”