Over the course of the past few weeks, I have watched the videos of Jacob’s “gotcha day” and ensuing homecoming several times. When I reflect on those videos, three things in particular stand out in my mind: Jacob’s celestial laughter, my wife repeating the words “he’s just a baby” over and over, and the surreal green hue of the homecoming pictures.
As for the “baby” comments—we have video of the first time that we Skyped our children from China and introduced them to their new little brother. Jacob was five at the time, and our other children were startled by how small he was. They were also surprised by his demeanor which was that of someone several years younger. In both size and development, Jacob appeared to be about two years old at the time. In trying to explain the situation to our other children, my wife kept repeating the words to them, “Guys, he’s just a baby. He’s just a baby.”
Two weeks later, we arrived home with our sweet Jacob and his siblings had the opportunity to meet him in person for the first time. Emily collapsed with emotion when she first saw Cubby. The other children fell instantly in love with him. In my mind, the videos of the children playing in the back yard with Cub always seem to go in slow motion. There also seems to be a strange Hollywood-like green filter over the camera—something to create a “flash-back” effect. Interestingly, when I look at the actual photos of that homecoming day, the green hue is really there. Where did it come from? It was St. Patrick’s Day and everything other than Jacob was washed in shades of green.
And so it was that on that St. Patrick’s Day three years ago that “a baby changed everything”. He brought joy and laughter into our family beyond anything that we had previously known. He helped us to see the world in new and beautiful ways. He helped us love each other a little more and even accept ourselves just a little better. We had to baby proof our home again and find creative ways to keep doors and windows closed and locked. However, our hearts were pried wide open to let in light and love and laughter that changed our home into a heaven on earth. I wish the story ended there, but it doesn’t. Three months ago our sweet Jacob left us. He was the baby of the family and so pure and innocent that the only words that seem to accurately reflect his demeanor would be “angelic” and “baby-like”. Now he really is our “angel baby”, and his departure has left a void in our hearts and our family that is truly indescribable. The darkness and pain that was left in the wake of Jacob’s death has been numbing at best and crushing more often than not. Just like his arrival, Jacob’s departure was a defining moment for our family. We lost our baby and the loss of a baby changes everything.
I am pleased to say that the story doesn’t end there either, though. A little over two thousand years ago, another man welcomed his adopted son into his family and held him lovingly in his arms for the first time. That baby also brought love and light with Him—love and light that would eventually fill the world. And that baby brought something else with Him. That baby brought life—immortality and eternal life—gifts that He contained within himself. However, that baby wouldn’t be able to give those gifts to the world until after His Heavenly Father, the most powerful being in the universe, sat helplessly by and watched as His Son slipped from life into death. “For God so loved the world…”
When the Savior suffered and died for us, He not only overcame sin (something that Cubby had not been stained with)—He also broke the bonds of death. He made it possible for Jacob’s spirit to be reunited with his body in a resurrected form. He made it possible for me to someday hold my son in my arms once again and bask in the sound of his glorious laughter.
The Savior’s Atonement also made it possible for us to be to be together forever as a family, and that knowledge is the only thing that gets me through some days. I desperately want to be with my son again in the eternities, and God’s Only Begotten Son made that possible for me. Jacob’s death brought indescribable darkness into our lives, but the Light of the World has helped us to survive that darkness. I have also felt the strength of His love and mercy as they supported me through some of my most devastating hours.
Three years ago tomorrow we brought our sweet Jacob home for the first time. Three months ago yesterday we held our baby boy as life slipped away from his body. At the meridian of time, the Savior of the World was born in a lowly stable, destined to break the bonds of death for all mankind. Yes, a “baby changes everything”.
My whole life has turned around
I was lost but now I'm found
A baby changes everything, yeah
A baby changes everything
(From the song “A Baby Changes Everything” by Craig Wiseman and Tim Nichols)
I was lost but now I'm found
A baby changes everything, yeah
A baby changes everything
(From the song “A Baby Changes Everything” by Craig Wiseman and Tim Nichols)
